Sample Letters

12 March 2011

Foreign and Commonwealth Office training manual


Sir,

Our Foreign Office appears to be struggling with a balanced response to the developing crisis in Libya. I wonder if they are using the same ‘workshop-based’ approach to policy development which was put into action for the state visit of Pope Benedict XVI to the UK. This creative and, on the hoof, approach to policy making resulted in the suggestion that the Pontiff should visit an abortion clinic or bless a homosexual union whilst a guest of her Majesty. Given this insight into the cultural insensitivities of the Foreign Office ‘Mandarins’ l have little confidence in their ability to shape any reasoned response to events in Libya.

Yours in disbelief

PS In April 2010 it was revealed that two civil servants sent out internal emails which suggested that Pope Benedict might launch a range of branded condoms and apologise for the Spanish Armada, as well as the above ideas, during his visit. Apparently these ideas were part of a best case scenario for the visit. The FCO is in the business of diplomacy, which attracts the brightest graduates. The mind boggles. David Miliband, the Foreign Secretary, apologised to the Pope and the Catholic Church. It would appear that this elitist institution has been effectively penetrated by the ideas of Gramsci.

PPS I was delighted to play the role of St Ninian in the procession leading Pope Benedict along Princes Street, Edinburgh in September 2010.

5 JULY 2011

Cleft palate reason for selection


Sir,

I have never understood the fact that under the law it is illegal to discriminate against an individual because of their disability and yet within the womb the law allows an individual to be ‘terminated’ –the modern parlance for killing ‒ because the scan has revealed a 50 per cent chance of disability. The revelation that 29 children were killed over the last 10 years because of the risk of a cleft palate demonstrates the lengths we will go to cleanse disfigurement and disability from our society. The silence is deafening from the various charities whose purpose it is to care and support those with disabilities.

Yours in astonishment

8 JULY 2017

Why the growth in home schooling?


Sir,

Neil Carmichael, the former chairman of the Commons Education Select Committee, is ‘disturbed’ by the 100 per cent growth in home schooling over the last 6 years, and wonders what is driving this growth. (DT 8 July). Most of the parents l know are terrified by state-sponsored sex education, which is first introduced for 4-year-olds. Parents object to the promotion of gay marriage as marriage. They object to the promotion of sex outside of marriage, contraception and abortion as normal life-style choices. This is not education but an ideological assault on the young. In the same edition of your paper, Justice Greening outlines the grim reality of Government policy on relationship and sex education, whose aim appears to be to stamp out Christian values and propagandise the LGBT lifestyle. No wonder parents want to keep their children safe from this relentless undermining of their innocence. This is state-sponsored child abuse which makes Jimmy Saville look positively benign.

 

Yours sincerely

8 November 2020

Expert predictions from an Octopus named Paul


Sir, 

Is it finally time to settle the science on Covid and bring out the octopus named Paul from retirement? If you remember Paul was very successful in predicting results at the 2010 football World Cup. The idea would be to place Paul in a tank between Messrs Witty and Vallance and pick from a range of SAGE graphs which indicate three options. Firstly, worsening future outcomes; secondly, catastrophic future outcomes and lastly you may as well get a one way ticket to Dignitas outcome. I am sure this suggestion would bolster the scientific methodology of the SAGE team and provide more excitement at the 5pm Downing Street briefing as Paul slowly moves around his tank. 

 

Yours in lockdown,